The intricacies of Life are starting to wear me down. A depressing note to start on, but bear with me for a little wallowing - it has, after all, been a long and trying year.
This weekend was filled with relationships, what with repairing, breaking, discarding, ignoring, deliberating, forming and just catching up, it was more than a little eye opening...
Having decided that before the year is finished, I wanted to start the new year with less broken and damaged relationships than I had when this year started, I decided to mend a few that I had a huge part in wrecking - and really being the only one at fault for the mess if I have to be honest. Suffice to say, the drama leading up to the particular "repair" I planned ended up being far more stressful and taxing than the "repair" itself. Go figure!
Having done a lot of soul searching over the last few months since my most recent break-up, I must admit that after everything I don't think it would be worth it to try and form another romantic bond with anyone. Well... that isn't entirely true, sure it would be worth it, but I'm not bothered to schlep through all the hassle and teething required for a new attachment - I just don't think I could do it, even though I want it more than anything else in the world.
The revelation that I'm not the only person who feels this way is even more incredible, discovering more than a few friends of mine have also had enough of the drama and hassle that seems to go hand in hand with relationships these days. I do take heart in a newly wed couple I met on Saturday, very much in love and incredibly inspiring to see, and the very thing I long for... Maybe I should just admit defeat in this area of my life and resign myself to the fact that no matter how amazingly perfect a person I may find, I'm far from perfect - and that is, and always will be, the downfall of every serious relationship I form, me.
So I think I'll just stick to finding incredible friendships and leave the romantic stuff to the pros.
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